Driving Post: dedicated to the road and all it's users (that mean everybody but pat)
So I was driving this morning...like I do most days. And I was going about 65 in a 55 zone...pretty standard practice out here. Then I reached the city limits and all of a sudden this PO (short for pig) pulls up behind me. It wasn't much of a pull rather a 'speed up so you can see me in your rear view mirror.' So he followed me for about two miles.... keeping the same exact distance, very scary. Then we got to a stoplight, but we didn't stop. Then just as I thought he would pull me over, if he were going to because along the way there was no real shoulder but now there was so I thought he would do it, I made a fast lane change and sped up. He didn't switch lanes because some other person was right behind me, tailgating nonetheless. And then he sped up and went along side me for about 2 more miles, I looked over once and saw his big ugly face staring right back at me, he was so going to pull me over. Success though, I won and he lost so that makes me a winner
Driving Language
People on the road can't obviously talk to one another. So instead of blabbering their jaws they communicate through actions. Here are some of the things you should know about the road before getting on it.
If somebody is following suspiciously close to you: they want you to slam on your brakes so they get really close to your car. These types of people like suspense and the anticipation of them having to slam on their brakes when you do is where they get there high, don't disappoint these people.
People who cut you off: they are just begging for you to cut them off. They want you to pull up next to them, speed up, then cut them off and slow down about 20 mph under the suggested speed.
People who don't use blinker signals: either old or short people. These people want you to shoot out their taillights or hit them in the back of the bumper. I satiated one of these people once, they thanked me.
People who leave their turn signal on: they want you to pull up beside them and give them the bird, they just love seeing birds.
People who take up 2 parking spaces when the parking lot is near full. They want you to try and squeeze in-between them and the next car because the love having their car really cozy with others. They’ll give you a big sloppy kiss if you dent or scratch their car too.